Don't Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

It's Rebekah Wade's horse, a present from the Metropolitan Police. Or as John Prescott (hacking victim) suggested it was "working undercover for Neigh---boorhood Watch"

Sacha Baron Cohen's Red Carpet Treatment

The urn reputedly contained the ashes of Kim Jong Il. "It was his dream to come to the Oscars" said Mr Baron Cohen, dressed as character from "The Dictator"

Sacha Baron Cohen at the Oscars

Sacha Baron Cohen sullies the red carpet with urn contents whilst dressed as General Aladeen, latest film character 

Wind Turbine Chainsaw Massacre

Wind Farms may get the axe as the Government changes its mind on energy policy

Investing in Jobs and Skills

Investors in People. Rich pickings in ex public sector schemes



A4E Family Tsar's Old Rope Department

Emma Harrison's A4E company under investigation



Chinese Policemen Looking For Love

This is turning into a mini series. Eligible bachelors in the Chinese police force are taking matters into their own hands in their search for the perfect date...

Desperately Seeking Noy Noy

Bachelor Boy Benigno "Noy Noy" Aquino, President of the Philippines, is looking for love. The lucky lady has to be "hungry for power". He'll be eaten alive.

It's a Cracker- RIP Frank Carson

Farewell Frank Carson. Your olde worlde jokes live on... have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a Car Boot Sale and sold the engine? His family said;"we're taking him home to Belfast to lay him to rest and celebrate his joyful life. It's quiet down here now. God help them up there!"

Adele at the Brit Awards

Before she was so rudely interrupted. Adele shows Rock 'n' Roll Attitude at the Brits.

South East Water Taps

The South is parched, longest dry spell since the Drought of 1976.

Viking Snowman

 Swedish man survives two months stuck in his car inside a giant snowdrift. Doctors think he may have entered "a state of hibernation"....

 

Gone Fishing, 1653-style

Inspired by a stay in Dovedale &  Izaak Walton's 1653 book, "The Compleat Angler".  I could never sit still or be patient long enough to take up fishing, but I loved the engravings in the book, with helpful hints on worms.

Lord Lucan In Africa?

Lord Lucan's former aide's aide says he hid in the home of safari, so I'm sure it'll be true

Whitney Houston RIP

"Whitney Houston....Amy Winehouse...and Etta James. There's a hell of a girl band up there.." (Mitch Winehouse at the Grammys)

Rangers Tax Bill

Rangers FC's unpaid £49 million tax bill

I Beg Your Pardon, I Never Promised You Jean Dujardin

Silence is Golden. The Artist's male lead wins Best Actor at the BAFTAs. Good acceptance speech; "....as Buster Keaton would have said...........(says nothing)"

Ear Today Gone Tomorrow (Earmuffs)

Well I think they look stupid, but what do I know of fashion?

The Twittering Classes

Twitterer Paul Chambers up in court for bad tweet joke about blowing up Robin Hood Airport

Florence's Celestial Teapot

Florence Green, the last known veteran of the First World War, has died, just  short of her 111th birthday. Mrs. Green joined the Women's Royal Air Force in 1918, toward the end of World War I and worked in the Officer's Mess.

Can You See Dots Before Your Eyes?

Totally Dotty?  Octogenarian artist Yayoi Kusami's creations festoon the Tate Modern. Resplendent in her red wig, she left her home in a Japanese mental health hospital, with its built in studio, for the 1st time in 12 years and is wowing the crowds with her psychosis-inspired installations. Also featured, a rowing boatful of  patchwork penises.

Charles Dicken's London Eye

Happy 200th Birthday, Charles Dickens.  Did you turn in your grave to see jolly dancing cockernees in your theme park down at Chatham Docks? The "Dickens World" website today advertised "Little Dodgers Dressing Up Club". Bah Humbug!

Diamond Lights - dedicated to Mick Heap

Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle's Top 20 1987 Chart "hit" single, in honour of Queen Elizabeth II's Diamond Jubilee, 6th February 2012, for the late, great Mick Heap.

Drunk, Camera, Action!

Party Paramedics, Bouncers, Coppers. Great British Teenagers keeping Greek Emergency Clinics and film crews in business.

Multiple Mahatma Gandhis

World record for the most people impersonating Mahatma Gandhi set at Peace March in Calcutta. (485, in case you're thinking of breaking the record)

The Chris Huhne School of Driving

Chris Huhne and his ex-wife charged with conspiracy. Maybe he should sell his car- one careful lady driver.....

Elephants Down Under

Aussies could see  elephants and rhino grazing the outback in an attempt to control giant African gamba grass, planted there in the 1930s.

The Baked Bean

Cockney Rhyming Royal Security Forces caught on camera